No Thugs In Our House Lyrics

A musical in three acts by XTC

Cast of characters

GRAHAM, a teenager
MOTHER, a busy housewife
FATHER, a conservative husband
POLICEMAN, a young constable

SCENE:  A kitchen in suburbia, one bright Saturday morning

ACT ONE

Narrator:  The insect-headed worker-wife will hang her waspies on the
line.  Her husband burns his paper, sucks his pipe while studying
their cushion-floor, his viscous poly-paste breath comes out.  Their
wall-paper world is shattered by his shout.  A boy in blue is busy
banging out a headache on the kitchen door.  All the while Graham
slept on, dreaming of a world where he could do just what he wanted
to.

Mother and Father (in unison):  No thugs in our house, are there dear?
We made that clear, we made little Graham promise us he'd be a good
boy.  No thugs in our house, are there dear?  We made that clear, we
made little Graham promise us he'd be a good boy.

ACT TWO

Narrator:  The young policeman who just can't grow a moustache will
open up his book, and spoil their breakfast with reports of Asians who
have been so badly kicked.

Policeman:  Is this your son's wallet I've got here?  He must have
dropped it after too much beer!

Mother:  Oh, officer, we can't believe our little angel is the one
you've picked.

Narrator:  And all the while Graham slept on, dreaming of a world
where he could do just what he wanted to.

Mother and Father (in unison):  No thugs in our house, are there dear?
We made that clear, we made little Graham promise us he'd be a good
boy.  No thugs in our house, are there dear?  We made that clear, we
made little Graham promise us he'd be a good boy.

Narrator:  They never read those pamphlets in his bottom drawer.

Policeman:  They never read that tattoo on his arm.

Narrator:  They thought that was just a boys club badge he wore.

Policeman:  They never thought he'd do folks any harm.

ACT THREE

Narrator:  The insect-headed worker-wife will hang her waspies on the
line.  She's singing something stale and simple now this business has
fizzled out.  Her little tune is such a happy song.  Her son is
innocent, he can't do wrong, 'cos Dad's a judge and knows exactly what
the job of judging's all about.  And all the while Graham slept on,
dreaming of a world where he could do just what he wanted to.

Mother and Father (in unison):  No thugs in our house, are there dear?
We made that clear, we made little Graham promise us he'd be a good
boy.  No thugs in our house, are there dear?  We made that clear, we
made little Graham promise us he'd be a good boy.

Mother:  No thugs in our house!

Father:  No thugs in our house!

Complete cast (in unison):  No thugs in our house, dear!


Set Design by Andy Partridge with co-ordination by Ken Ansell.
Stage and Scenery by Art Dragon.