The Finale Lyrics

  Drumgoole, my dear, I must admit
  Your life's been one long pile of shit
  I must be nuts, at least a bit
  To want to be involved in it
  
  But given the alternative
  Who knows how we'd be forced to live?
  When worlds collide, when worlds collide?
  With you, Drumgoole, at my side
  And at my side!
  And at my side!
  
  With worlds coming in on us
  Drumgoole must be trigamous
  Pray, say we shall be man and bride
  And man and bride and man and bride!
  
  When worlds collide, the chivalrous
  Drumgoole performs the frivolous
  And dares to make it man and bride
  And man and bride and man and bride!
  
  That one's mine, he's my concubine
  He'll get more out of me
  That what you peons call "love"
  Hands off him, that one's mine!
  
  Your favors do not satisfy
  I've witnesses who'll testify
  And though Drumgoole is thin of thigh
  She's worth a try, she's worth a try
  
  Though nature was not generous
  Her breasts are not as pendulous
  Yet still they would be man and bride
  And man and bride and man and bride!
  
  Now according to the law this week
  Still evolving as we speak
  And woman may, at her discretion
  Have her pick of losers
  
  Since the breed has dropped so in quality
  We abolish, hereby, monagomy
  If you don't quite fancy this selection
  We've got lost more losers
  
  I've seen all that I need to see
  I've fallen for their flattery
  And so we shall be man and bride
  And man and bride and man and bride!
  
  When world's collide, the rest of us
  Won't be here with the best of us
  For these, they shall be man and bride
  And man and bride and man and bride!
  
  Correct me, honey
  I smell no money
  And when the chips are down
  You'll be back around this finger here
  I never said that I was in love with you
  I never said that I was not, my dear
  
  Why must this girl have everything?
  How quickly he forgets the sting
  For though she feigns to please him
  She is talentless except to tease him
  Don't think we haven't noticed
  
  We'll have a shower
  And I'll allow her
  She seems so amused with you
  It's so hard to keep her entertained
  We'll all go "nudies"
  And you can bring your friends
  Just keep the one who's nuts for tits restrained!
  
  My long term memory
  Is not what it should be
  Some tiny spark of love
  Helps me find the proper words to say
  Your smell of money
  You filthy, lying bitch
  Is just about to make me puke!
  Go 'way
  Please go away!
  It's time to make us man and bride
  And man and bride and man and bride!
  
  We've simplified, no muss, no fuss
  And vows are now superfluous
  I just declare you man and bride
  And man and bride and man and bride!
  
  I've the law book right in front of me
  Article sixteen dash thirty-three
  "When consenting adults shack together
  They're connected legally"
  
  Though he wants to eat and have his cake
  There's a pact with me he cannot break
  So the rest of you go rot forever
  This one will stay with me
  
  When worlds collide, the devious
  The cunning, and the mischevious
  Our not-yet-happy-home divide
  When worlds collide, when worlds collide
  
  When worlds collide, this friend of us
  Is forced to be a succubus
  Cruel fate is not upon our side
  When worlds collide, when worlds collide
  
  You're free, my boy, I'm proud to say
  And so without further delay
  I now declare you man and bride
  And man and bride and man and bride!
  
  When worlds collide, the least of us
  May get to share the feast with us
  For now we four are man and bride
  'Til worlds collide, 'til worlds collide
  We're men and bride!